Fear is an emotion, triggered by a perceived threat or danger. It is a basic survival mechanism and, even in our modern world, it still appears to rule our lives. At the top we find, above all: fear of death. Then, fear of losing a beloved one, fear of the dark, fear of getting fired and lose our job, fear of being alone, fear of showing our real feelings, fear of our enemies, fear of looking ridiculous, fear of new things, fear of flying, fear of becoming poor, fear of spiders, fear of public speaking, and the list continues, endlessly...
These omnipresent fears surely prevent us from living and enjoying a more pleasant and relaxed life. They largely contribute to stress, and stress, according to the medical world, is responsible for 90% of all degenerative diseases. They are also the origin of our fantasies and beliefs, such as religion, for instance. The fear of death motivates religious allegiance. Our Gods, even the present ones are created according to our own image, and not the other way around. This is easily proven because they are all Gods of fear and punishment. Do this, and you will go to hell when you die; do that, and you must seek absolution and endure penitence.
How did we get to this point of being afraid of so many things? One decisive factor is, of course, our education from the tender ages. Our parents, for some reason, think that it is easier to direct us to the right path by scaring us from doing the wrong thing. Later in our lives, we suffer the assault of information through media that are mainly based on fear and bad news. It is not exactly their fault because we buy into this catastrophic rendering of the world we live in. Who is seriously interested in knowing the details about a great scientist that just got the Nobel Prize? We'd rather watch the news about an airplane that has crashed somewhere killing hundreds of people, right? For some reason, good news seems to be tedious and not worthy of our attention.
Not only we live in fear, but we also thrive on fear. It's a stressful life, and we are doing nothing to make it easier. From Asia, we have the great thinkers who try to teach us meditation and a way to control our emotions. However, their methods and teaching are not adapted to our way of life in the Western world. Spending time every day on meditation is not really our cup of tea. We find it boring and useless.
The victory of capitalism in our Western world has also brought us the rise of poverty and criminality. Fear of being mugged or becoming poor is frequent among us. Let me tell you about a small incident that happened to me, that illustrates perfectly what I am saying. I have always been a pragmatic and optimistic individual. Nevertheless, like everybody else, I fell prey of fear many times in my life.
Some years ago, I went to New York for a few days to attend a conference. During my stay there, someone told me about a terrific music store that remained open very late in the night. One evening, after dinner, I had nothing to do, so I decided to pay a visit to this megastore. The store was located near the Lincoln Center. My hotel was not far from the 5th Avenue, in one of the side streets. I thought I could do with a good walk. I smoke the pipe, and in New York, being a lung-friendly city, the only way to smoke is to be outdoors.
I started walking at around 9:30 PM. It was a long walk, but the weather was good and I was happy smoking my pipe, going through an area that I hadn't visited before. There were not many people on the streets at that time of the evening. This didn't worry me too much because it was all new to me and I was excited about the visit. I reached the shop almost three quarters of an hour later, and I was not disappointed.
The shop was located in a tall building, and I was flabbergasted and happy to find out that they had two full floors dedicated only to CDs and DVDs of classical music, my main interest. Only in America you can find a shop like that. I totally lost any notion of time, going from row to row of new releases and historical re-editions, delighted to find so many recordings of my liking. I left the store well after midnight, with a small bag full of fantastic CDs that I had found. My visit was well worth doing and I was extremely satisfied with my shopping.
Outside, I hesitated. It was very late and maybe I should get a taxi to go back to the hotel. However, it was a pleasant night, I knew my way back, and I could do with some more smoking. So, I start walking back to the hotel. Now the streets were totally deserted, not one soul in sight. I got a bit worried, knowing the reputation of the city, and paid much more attention to the surroundings I was passing through.
After crossing a street, all of a sudden, from the dark shadows on my left, a man came out straight on my direction. He was black and tall, poorly dressed. Years of suppressed fear took over me. I thought to myself: "I'm done; I am going to be mugged and there is nobody around to help me.". I decided to keep on walking, but he stopped just in front of me. He looked me in the eyes, no smile, and said sharply: "D'you have a lighter?". I was shaken and taken by surprise with the question.
I replied timidly, nodding my head: "Yes, I do.". Then he got a cigarette from one of his pockets, put it in his mouth and asked: "Can you light me up?". With trembling hands, I got my lighter and did what he asked me. He looked again in my eyes, and said this time with a half-smile: "Thanks!", and slowly walked away, puffing his cigarette. I didn't dare to move for a few seconds, breathing with relief. Then, I resumed my walking, with my knees still shaking under the stress of my brief encounter. I met nobody else and reached my hotel safe and sound.
This little incident, that caused me a lot of stress, was a combination of fears: fear of strangers, fear of being mugged, fear of a new and unknown territory, fear of the dark, and fear of death. All these are due to my education and the way life is presented to us nowadays. It would have required me a lot of cool blood to have remained calm and in control of myself. But for this I would have needed a different education, based on knowledge rather than fear. I would have also needed to ignore the pessimistic and calamitous media that appeal to our natural interest for bad news.
Controlling our emotions, and especially fear, is no small business. But maybe, just maybe, being more conscious of our fears can help a bit. In the case of my encounter with the tall stranger, in the middle of the night, in New York, I probably could not do much better because I was under potential danger. But we are plagued by many other fears that are just a product of our own imagination and totally unjustifiable. By repeatedly confronting these fears, what is known as "exposure therapy", we can learn how to deal with them and, most surely, be capable of enjoying a better and less stressful life.
"He who has overcome his fears will truly be free." - Aristotle.
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