Missed Opportunities

I made the acquaintance with my friend P. due to a tragic coincidence. My wife S. was a very good friend with his wife, who at the time was very ill with brain cancer. They spent a lot of time together, and my wife did everything she could do in order to help P.'s wife until the time of her death. A few years later, my own wife succumbed under the same awful disease. United by the tragic end of our wives, P. and I became friends.

We didn't see each other very often, but one evening P. and I decided to go out for dinner and then watch a Woody Allen movie in a cinema that was located inside a shopping center that no longer exists, near the Central Station of The Hague. After the movie, we walked together to the main lobby looking for the entrance to the parking, where we had left our cars.

At a certain point, a young man approached us and asked me:

- I'm sorry, Sir, but I wonder if you could spare 5 euros for me to get a bed in a hostel, for the night. I have some money, but it is not enough. Yesterday I slept outdoors, but I felt very cold...

It was the beginning of November, and the days were indeed rather cold for the season. I inspected him quickly: he was young, simply dressed but clean, he had no heavy coat, and he looked straight into my eyes.

I grabbed my wallet and searched inside for some change. I could come up with 4 euros and 20 cents, the rest of my money being only large bills.

- This is all the small money I have, but it gets you very close to what you need. Good luck with the rest! - I said to him.

He thanked me and turned to my friend, with hope in his eyes. My friend brusquely waved him away, nodding his head in a sign of refusal.

As soon as the young man walked away, my friend commented with a bit of embarrassment:

- I didn't feel like giving him anything. We never know if they are telling us the truth or not. How d'you know if he's not going to spend it all in drinks or drugs?

I replied, very calmly:

- Well, put it this way, my friend: if he's telling the truth, both of us are happy; he's happy because he'll sleep in the warmth tonight, and I'm happy because I helped him. If he's lying, I can't tell; the problem is his, not mine. I'm still happy because I'm left with the impression that I helped someone in need today.

My friend didn't seem very impressed with my philosophical reply. We both continued to the entrance of the parking, where we shook hands, said good night, got into our cars and headed back to our homes...

While I was driving home, I remembered that this philosophical attitude of mine started after a similar situation that had occurred with my wife S. long time ago. One day she was strolling along the Leidsestraat in Amsterdam, when a student stopped her to ask if she could give him some money because he was very hungry; he hadn't been able to eat anything the whole day.

She took 5 euros out her purse, saying to him:

- I hope you are not lying to me and that you're going to use this to eat.

A few minutes later, on her way back, someone caught her attention by frantically shouting and waving at her, from the other side of the street. It was the same young man that had asked for the money a little while ago. He was standing in front of some food joint, with a large smile on his face and pointing to a big hamburger in his other hand. That day, two people were very happy.

She told me later that when she related this encounter to her best friend, she reacted:

- But 5 euros is a lot of money to give away! Only you could do this sort of thing. What if he was lying?

S. was a gentle and generous person; she didn't care whether the fellow was lying, she only hoped he didn't. I loved her very much, and I have learned from her how to trust my instinct and do what I thought it was right, regardless if the other party was indeed being truthful or not. I find this to be a positive attitude, and I have been practicing it since. After all, 4 or 5 euros are a very small price to pay for the risk of giving to a stranger the benefit of the doubt, and for spending the rest of the day feeling great, with the sensation that you have helped someone in difficulty.

Isn't this so much better than a missed opportunity?