This chronicle is, in fact, a sequel of my previous one, "Terminal Station". There are a few thoughts that remained unsaid, and that I would like to develop further.
A few years ago I reached what they call "the third age", and retired from active work. How did I get there? Looking back now, reminiscing my past, it appears to me as if it was yesterday that I left school, started working and met my first love. Time is a tricky thing: we go on living, unaware of the passing years, but when we pause and think about them, it looks like time has caught up with us too quickly.
The great Spinoza once said: study the past to understand the present and prepare for the future. He was, of course, absolutely right. But is it studying the past a way to feel guilty for all the mistakes we have made? I don't think that this is what Spinoza meant. The past is our lifetime. It is there the way we lived it, and cannot be changed. What's the point in crying over things we should not have done? Whatever we did, it depended on the circumstances when it was done and our state of mind at that time. This can never be reproduced, only understood.
I believe that what Spinoza meant is that, by studying the past and understanding what we have done, we become wiser to live the present and avoid the same mistakes in the future. Yes, I have many regrets for things I wish I hadn't done and others when I missed the opportunity of doing the right thing. On the other hand, I'm glad and proud about many things that I did. It's a mixed bag of feelings, successes and failures.
I shed many tears in the course of my life. But grief, when overcome, is what gives you indulgence and strength to go on living. Those who never suffered, have a dry and aseptic life, and will never know the advantage of being compassionate and merciful.
There is no perfect human being, and I am not an exception. As you age, you become less critical of yourself. I am now, my best friend. It's not bad to be old, it sets you free. Do I need to worry now if I decide to spend my whole night entertained with a book, going to sleep at 6 AM and waking up in the middle of the afternoon? From the moment you're born to the moment you retire, your life is influenced by other people. When you are old, you get rid of them.
The only problem when getting old is that you acquire many physical limitations. Although you learn how to live with them, they are always present to impose you some constraints. You got rid of the people, but your body now dictates some of your behaviour. To be honest, let's say then that you have got "limited freedom". But, at least, you have only yourself to deal with.
And what about the fear of being alone when you get old? I invoke here a phrase of the famous Greek lawyer, orator and philosopher, Cicero: "nunquam minus solum quam cum solus esset", meaning "you are never less alone when you are alone". In other words, being alone is not necessarily a disadvantage. You will have plenty of time to think, dream, read and write, dedicate yourself to all sorts of intellectual activities that would be otherwise difficult to do, if you were not alone. Considering that with age your body is less apt, isn't then a good time to exercise your brains instead?
When you get older, it becomes easy to be grumpy. I never fell into this bad habit, probably because I always had a good sense of humour. In my opinion, it is essential to keep a cynical view of life, and laugh as much as you can. Laughter purifies your soul and energises your body.
At this stage of my life, I care less about what people think of me. When I do things, I do them for my own pleasure, like writing this chronicle for example. I don't really care if other people are going to like it or not. I don't even care if other people are going to have the curiosity of reading it. It's good to put my thoughts on paper, sorry, on the screen. It's like emptying my soul, and I feel good about that. I'm writing to myself, and by doing this, I know that I have spoken sincerely.
Old age is an age of selfishness. But I worked for 43 years, I raised my children, I provided for my family, and I was kind to my friends. I am not going to live forever, I am not going to waste the time I have left lamenting what my life could have been, and I am not going to worry what my life will be. I have earned the right of being wrong, the right of being myself, the right of being respected.
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Terminal Station
I am in a situation now that I must concentrate on living my own life. Normally speaking, people live their lives according to their surroundings. Family, close friends, and work play a significant role in dictating your actions and decisions. This is inevitable if you want to live in harmony with everybody.
Normal, healthy people, can afford to invest a lot of time in maintaining a good balance in all their relationships. In my case, however, suffering from a serious illness and having a death sentence over my head, I don’t dispose of much time. If a normal, healthy person doesn’t worry too much with the future I, on the other hand, don’t even know if I will have any future at all.
In the beginning, it was quite a shock, and I felt very uncomfortable. It was not exactly fear of death, but a sort of emptiness and apathy that took over me. I’ve waited so long for my retirement to start, finally, doing all kinds of things and projects that I had on my mind... Suddenly, it was all irrelevant. How can you be motivated if you lost hope and don’t know how much time you have left?
This apathy was soon replaced by a sort of frenzy when I passed my days doing unpleasant things or tasks that I didn’t particularly like or wasn’t keen in doing. I felt miserable wasting my precious time in such way. For me, it was like throwing away my last chances of fulfilling my dreams. I became terribly depressed.
However, if we stop for a moment and think carefully, my situation is not much different from a normal person’s. Nobody truly knows how much longer they are going to live, even when they are healthy. I remember the case of a dear friend of mine, who died a horrible death, burned alive, when the airplane she was travelling, as a result of a bad landing, caught fire and exploded after hitting a warehouse at the end of the runway. She was in the late fifties, prosperous and healthy. She left a husband, a daughter and two stepchildren.
Nowadays, I even believe that I have a slight advantage over normal and healthy people in the sense that I refuse to waste any more of my time. When you are normal and healthy, you have the tendency of leaving certain things for tomorrow. It is the “retirement syndrome”: when I retire, I will do this and that, I will enjoy all kinds of things that are not at the top of my priorities right now. You want to be successful at work, and you don’t want to disappoint your family and friends. Work often becomes a limitation; family and friends become consumers of your time.
You end up postponing all the things you’d love to do for later, when you will have more time. Well, I don’t have any time, or rather, I don’t know how much more time I have. Therefore, I can’t afford to postpone anything. It’s now or never. I must live every day as if it is going to be my last day on earth. I must do everything I want now; I can’t wait.
But, if I think of my dear departed friend above, this decision of thoroughly enjoying my life every day that I am alive, would also apply to any human being, be this person healthy or not. I don’t mean here that we should drop all the responsibilities to our work, or neglect our friends and family. But we must meet a proper balance of our time in a manner that we are also able to fulfil some of our dreams.
The truth is that nobody knows what the future is going to be. If we choose to sacrifice our life in the hope that one day we’ll be able to relax and enjoy it, we are playing the Russian roulette. I’ve already been hit by a bullet, so I am going to try to relax and enjoy all the time that I still have. I’m retired, so I don’t have to worry with work any more. As far as family and friends, they will have to get used to the idea that I won’t be particularly interested in hearing about their problems. I have myself a bigger problem to deal with. I’m still here, to love and care for them, but much more in a passive way than before.
Am I being selfish? Perhaps, but I don’t have much choice. A famous writer - I can't remember his name at this moment - once compared life with a long voyage by train. He said that, most of the time, we unfortunately fail to pay attention to the beautiful landscapes we are crossing on our way to the terminal station (death). And this is true: people are usually so busy with themselves that they forget to look around.
I need to be busy with myself because of my actual condition. But I am now one stop before the terminal station, and I intend to pay a lot of attention to the landscape before reaching it...
Normal, healthy people, can afford to invest a lot of time in maintaining a good balance in all their relationships. In my case, however, suffering from a serious illness and having a death sentence over my head, I don’t dispose of much time. If a normal, healthy person doesn’t worry too much with the future I, on the other hand, don’t even know if I will have any future at all.
In the beginning, it was quite a shock, and I felt very uncomfortable. It was not exactly fear of death, but a sort of emptiness and apathy that took over me. I’ve waited so long for my retirement to start, finally, doing all kinds of things and projects that I had on my mind... Suddenly, it was all irrelevant. How can you be motivated if you lost hope and don’t know how much time you have left?
This apathy was soon replaced by a sort of frenzy when I passed my days doing unpleasant things or tasks that I didn’t particularly like or wasn’t keen in doing. I felt miserable wasting my precious time in such way. For me, it was like throwing away my last chances of fulfilling my dreams. I became terribly depressed.
However, if we stop for a moment and think carefully, my situation is not much different from a normal person’s. Nobody truly knows how much longer they are going to live, even when they are healthy. I remember the case of a dear friend of mine, who died a horrible death, burned alive, when the airplane she was travelling, as a result of a bad landing, caught fire and exploded after hitting a warehouse at the end of the runway. She was in the late fifties, prosperous and healthy. She left a husband, a daughter and two stepchildren.
Nowadays, I even believe that I have a slight advantage over normal and healthy people in the sense that I refuse to waste any more of my time. When you are normal and healthy, you have the tendency of leaving certain things for tomorrow. It is the “retirement syndrome”: when I retire, I will do this and that, I will enjoy all kinds of things that are not at the top of my priorities right now. You want to be successful at work, and you don’t want to disappoint your family and friends. Work often becomes a limitation; family and friends become consumers of your time.
You end up postponing all the things you’d love to do for later, when you will have more time. Well, I don’t have any time, or rather, I don’t know how much more time I have. Therefore, I can’t afford to postpone anything. It’s now or never. I must live every day as if it is going to be my last day on earth. I must do everything I want now; I can’t wait.
But, if I think of my dear departed friend above, this decision of thoroughly enjoying my life every day that I am alive, would also apply to any human being, be this person healthy or not. I don’t mean here that we should drop all the responsibilities to our work, or neglect our friends and family. But we must meet a proper balance of our time in a manner that we are also able to fulfil some of our dreams.
The truth is that nobody knows what the future is going to be. If we choose to sacrifice our life in the hope that one day we’ll be able to relax and enjoy it, we are playing the Russian roulette. I’ve already been hit by a bullet, so I am going to try to relax and enjoy all the time that I still have. I’m retired, so I don’t have to worry with work any more. As far as family and friends, they will have to get used to the idea that I won’t be particularly interested in hearing about their problems. I have myself a bigger problem to deal with. I’m still here, to love and care for them, but much more in a passive way than before.
Am I being selfish? Perhaps, but I don’t have much choice. A famous writer - I can't remember his name at this moment - once compared life with a long voyage by train. He said that, most of the time, we unfortunately fail to pay attention to the beautiful landscapes we are crossing on our way to the terminal station (death). And this is true: people are usually so busy with themselves that they forget to look around.
I need to be busy with myself because of my actual condition. But I am now one stop before the terminal station, and I intend to pay a lot of attention to the landscape before reaching it...
Friday, 22 March 2013
In my humble opinion...
Why is it that when people ask for our opinion on a certain matter, and you candidly give it to them, they usually get mad or disappointed? After all, if you don't want to hear the answer, why do you ask the question?
If you ask the opinion of another person, you're looking for other alternatives that you might not be able to think of. These alternatives maybe useful to open your mind to a new solution that would have otherwise escaped you. Should you be angry if you don’t agree with the person? In the end, the decision is yours, and you're absolutely free to ignore any opinion that you find unsuitable to your case.
It is perfectly all right not to agree with me, or debate in a friendly manner, or even ignore what I proposed. What is not all right is to be angry and insult me, if my opinion doesn't suit you. Especially in my case, where I would have preferred to abstain and stay quiet.
However, I notice that unless I’m very careful in choosing my words, people are not prepared to hear something that is totally contrary to what they have already in their minds. In other words, most people are only interested in hearing an opinion if the answer is going to ratify the choice they have already made.
Some persons are completely refractory to opinions; nevertheless they keep asking for more. And when they get them, they go exactly the other way around. For these folks, it is even more suitable to express the opposite of what you think. This may lead them to choose the contrary of what you said, which is, in fact, what you really think.
Complicated, isn’t it? But in reality, it all amounts to a bit of arrogance. People ask for an opinion, but they keep thinking they know better, therefore, the effort of the one giving the answer is a complete waste of time.
One thing that is very amazing is that the one asking for an informed opinion, completely neglects the fact that you have made an effort to listen, to understand the issue and to carefully express your thoughts. All this is some precious time of your life that you dedicated to that person. Shouldn’t he or she be grateful to you for that, even when disagreeing with you?
A bigger problem occurs when you are foolish enough to give your own opinion without being asked. Oops! Most of the time people get really upset, and an unpleasant discussion follows. This happens even with family or close friends. Already a long time ago I decided to refrain from doing this. Nowadays, I never volunteer my opinion to anyone on private or delicate matters.
I still think that the freedom of thinking and speaking gives me the right to express my humble opinion on matters that are of a universal nature. But even then, you can get into trouble. Take religion or politics, for example. People are very touchy about such subjects, and you have to be very careful when expressing your own thoughts and convictions.
If you look at blogs in the Internet, you will see what I mean. The amount of insults that some of the bloggers receive in the comments to their articles is amazing. What happened to politeness and good behaviour? Can’t we disagree with someone without being obnoxious? Language, written or spoken, is a beautiful tool that should be cultivated with love and proficiency. But, in the world of today, disagreeing means confrontation rather than dialogue.
Do I want to waste my time? Do I need any aggravation? Surely not. Someone once said: "If you're going to say what you want to say, you're going to hear what you don't want to hear.". This is absolutely true. Because of all that, I stay away from opinions. I keep my mouth shut, unless people I know very well insists in having my opinion. In this case, I make sure to tell them in advance that they are completely free to disregard it and forget it, and that they shouldn't argue with me about it.
Is it working? Well, not always, but at least it gives me the right to ignore their adverse reactions and put those persons in the black list so that I don’t waste more of my time with them in the future.
And you, what is your opinion on all this? ;-)
If you ask the opinion of another person, you're looking for other alternatives that you might not be able to think of. These alternatives maybe useful to open your mind to a new solution that would have otherwise escaped you. Should you be angry if you don’t agree with the person? In the end, the decision is yours, and you're absolutely free to ignore any opinion that you find unsuitable to your case.
It is perfectly all right not to agree with me, or debate in a friendly manner, or even ignore what I proposed. What is not all right is to be angry and insult me, if my opinion doesn't suit you. Especially in my case, where I would have preferred to abstain and stay quiet.
However, I notice that unless I’m very careful in choosing my words, people are not prepared to hear something that is totally contrary to what they have already in their minds. In other words, most people are only interested in hearing an opinion if the answer is going to ratify the choice they have already made.
Some persons are completely refractory to opinions; nevertheless they keep asking for more. And when they get them, they go exactly the other way around. For these folks, it is even more suitable to express the opposite of what you think. This may lead them to choose the contrary of what you said, which is, in fact, what you really think.
Complicated, isn’t it? But in reality, it all amounts to a bit of arrogance. People ask for an opinion, but they keep thinking they know better, therefore, the effort of the one giving the answer is a complete waste of time.
One thing that is very amazing is that the one asking for an informed opinion, completely neglects the fact that you have made an effort to listen, to understand the issue and to carefully express your thoughts. All this is some precious time of your life that you dedicated to that person. Shouldn’t he or she be grateful to you for that, even when disagreeing with you?
A bigger problem occurs when you are foolish enough to give your own opinion without being asked. Oops! Most of the time people get really upset, and an unpleasant discussion follows. This happens even with family or close friends. Already a long time ago I decided to refrain from doing this. Nowadays, I never volunteer my opinion to anyone on private or delicate matters.
I still think that the freedom of thinking and speaking gives me the right to express my humble opinion on matters that are of a universal nature. But even then, you can get into trouble. Take religion or politics, for example. People are very touchy about such subjects, and you have to be very careful when expressing your own thoughts and convictions.
If you look at blogs in the Internet, you will see what I mean. The amount of insults that some of the bloggers receive in the comments to their articles is amazing. What happened to politeness and good behaviour? Can’t we disagree with someone without being obnoxious? Language, written or spoken, is a beautiful tool that should be cultivated with love and proficiency. But, in the world of today, disagreeing means confrontation rather than dialogue.
Do I want to waste my time? Do I need any aggravation? Surely not. Someone once said: "If you're going to say what you want to say, you're going to hear what you don't want to hear.". This is absolutely true. Because of all that, I stay away from opinions. I keep my mouth shut, unless people I know very well insists in having my opinion. In this case, I make sure to tell them in advance that they are completely free to disregard it and forget it, and that they shouldn't argue with me about it.
Is it working? Well, not always, but at least it gives me the right to ignore their adverse reactions and put those persons in the black list so that I don’t waste more of my time with them in the future.
And you, what is your opinion on all this? ;-)
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